The Voice Of Fear


You win some, you lose some.

I know, but how come I always feel a mixture of happiness, sadness and relief?

Success vs. Failure


The ideas of success and failure can come from one of two places: nature or our heart.



Nature's Point System


When we look at a beautiful sunset or a snow-capped mountain range we all would agree that nature is beautiful. But when we look at things like the food chain, nature can also be pretty ugly.


I was watching a nature show about bears and it explained how the mother bear could only care for two of her three cubs. It was nature’s way that the weakest cub would fall behind and eventually go back into the food chain as another animal's food.


This all makes sense if we look at survival from a purely clinical standpoint, but when we watch a little bear cub get torn apart by a pack of hungry wolves it is a little harder to take.


Relationships between men and women are the same way. We want to see the  relationships from the standpoint of the beautiful sunset or snow-capped mountain. We want the cute little cub to be safe. Our emotions of what we want override our understanding of the underlying forces that drive us.


We all want the little cub to be rescued by its mother and live happily ever after. We would actually like no animal to eat others and have them all coexist like in the final scenes of “The Lion King”. We would also like our relationships to be right out of a fairy tale with a handsome knight and a beautiful princess. This is not to say that we could not have an amazing relationship, it just means that to create this we have to understand the natural forces that stand in our way.  


So let's examine what nature has planned for human beings...


Everything in our modern, civilized relationships is about romance and happiness. These two concepts don't exist in nature because it is not modern or civilized and it could care less about any romantic notion of happiness. The plan that nature has for us I like to call  'nature's point system.' And it goes like this:


When a male is born he starts off with zero points and when a female is born she starts off with 100 points. Since males need to be strong and must be willing to sacrifice for women and be disposable if needed, their points come from proving their strengths.


Nature wants the strongest, largest and bravest male to survive, so it rewards points for these qualities. As a male matures he tries to prove himself physically through sports, battle, labor, sex, and academic and financial success.


He builds a resume of points based on accomplishments. But when he fails or is beaten by another male he loses points. This drive to prove himself is how nature creates high-scoring males to protect the females. Males therefore realize that the path to acceptance from a female is to collect as many points as possible to represent a good choice for a partner.


A male will be judged on how well he can keep a female and children safe. What seems like a competitive nature of a man is in actuality just his fear that he will not acquire enough points to gain the acceptance of a female. Tony Montana in “Scarface” said, “First you get the power and then you get the women.”


Females, on the other hand, start out with 100 points and they spend their lives trying not to lose them. Youth, beauty and chastity are what a female must possess in order to motivate men with the most points to protect and provide for her.


Have you ever heard of a fairy tale where the princess wasn’t young and beautiful? Virginity, chastity, youth and beauty make up the points for a woman in nature. 


Women have always argued that it is unfair that a male is seen as a stud when he sleeps with a lot of women and a woman becomes a slut if she does the same. It is not hypocrisy or unfairness, it is the point system. Nature wants males to impregnate as many women as possible and gives them points if they do it. Nature wants females to be as selective as possible. By doing so she doesn't lose points. Nature's goal is simple; to create a safe environment for a child while having as many children as possible. 


Nature wants a man to lose interest in a female when she hits a certain age because she is no longer a good choice to impregnate. So time is a female's enemy. As they get older, they lose points.


The male peaks in his points around the time a woman is losing most of hers. This is why you see younger women with older men. Both have their maximum amount of points.


Nature has no interest in happiness or partnership. It only wants babies born. It is as cutthroat as it needs to be in order to accomplish this goal. You will hear women complain that it is not fair that males get better as they get older. But it is just as unfair that males have zero points when they are born and females have all of them.


In order to have a lasting, successful relationship you have to be willing to throw out the point system, because it keeps both males and females on a treadmill their whole lives and prevents a deeper connection. If we look harshly at the sexes, what good is a weak man or an older woman in regards to keeping the human race alive? The point system is ruthless and brutal, as is the story of the bear cub going back into the food chain for the greater good.


The point system was not meant for our new modern world of grocery stores, department stores, health care and equal rights, but we are still acting like it is it. It was meant for the harshest of environments to ensure the survival of the human race at any cost. It explains why now, when the sexes are supposed to be equal and emancipated, that they have never been more apart or unhappy.


Men have become obsessed with performance. Every TV ad is some kind of performance-enhancing drug for men. And every ad for women is something that will turn back the clock and make them young again. Both sexes are being crushed under the pressure and performance anxiety that the point system is creating. 


The obsession over points has increased violence amongst the sexes and created a gap that makes a happy, long-lasting marriage virtually impossible. The irony is that both males and females don't seem to be aware of the point system and as a result, they are paying the price for its destructive and ruthless nature. Young men taking steroids and young girls getting breast implants are just a few of the actions people are taking because of the point system.


I wrote a short story called “Males Don't Float” that illustrates the need to partner with each other and how the struggle can be beautiful. Unfortunately, the point system doesn't allow for the true spiritual beauty that males and females could create together. There is also an illustrated version on the web at



Males Don't Float


There are creatures that live in a world that consists of two lakes. The male creatures drop into the first lake when they are born. They must start treading water as nature has given them no natural buoyancy. They are forced to become powerful swimmers. The females also drop into the first lake but, unlike the males, they can float. As they develop, nature gives the females tremendous buoyancy but little strength to swim.


When the creatures reach maturity the water of the first lake will rise and empty into a river. As neither male nor female can survive on dry land, the creatures must embark on a journey down the river to a second lake. The creatures' survival depends on each other. It is a long and difficult journey to the next lake. The river has many rapids, waterfalls and whirlpools.


The females will not survive without a strong male to guide her through the current and many dangers. However, even though the males are strong swimmers, they also cannot make the journey alone. They must connect to the female's buoyancy so that they can rest and restore their energy. If the creatures can reach the second lake they will have to struggle no more as it is calm and will never go dry.


It is the secret dream of every male creature that at the end of the journey the female creature will, out of appreciation for his efforts, let him permanently connect to her buoyancy so that he can float and finally know true rest. However, this has never happened because the females have not realized that the males do not float.


The females assume that it is in the male's nature to tread water, but they don't realize that the males would sink if they ever stopped. The male creatures have never revealed this fact because of their belief that the female creatures would allow them to sink if they knew the truth.


The alternative to the point system:


Now imagine if  both men and women started out with 100 points and neither could lose points because they were based on person's intrinsic goodness as human beings. Imagine how much pressure would be lifted off of both sexes. This is what we would get if we lived in our hearts. If this were the case, men and women could go to a place nature knows nothing about.


I believe this says it best:


Women are the portal through which men travel to go from living on the world to living in the world. When a woman brings a man into the world she finds that he owns true power and grace. Then both men and women live in the world the heart creates.


We have the power to throw out the point system if we find the courage and self-worth to give up our points. If we do, we will never need them again.




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